Escape the Edge of Panic
With A Little Self-Love
Anxiety.
Panic Attacks.
Waves of paranoid thinking.
Fear obliterating my ability to think clearly.
My heart is beating out of my chest.
All happiness feels far away.
My palms begin to sweat.
All hope begins to fade.
Each moment, a lifetime.
Then I remember.
How am I breathing?
Wow, the breath is short and shallow.
Okay time to reset.
Exhale completely.
Sometimes the panic can be so bad the exhale is slow and shaky.
Do not give up. Exhale.
Breathe in as slowly as possible.
Through the nose.
Pulling from the base of the throat.
Expanding out the belly.
Pause for a moment at the top of the breath.
Exhale slowly through the nose.
If it is possible, bringing a smile to the face can trick us into feeling this is okay, even as our mind continues to betray us and our pulse has yet to slow down.
Bring the attention to the shoulders.
Have they crept up?
Holding stress and tension.
Or are they slumped forward?
The physical embodiment of sadness and depression.
I say to myself - I am okay. This too shall pass.
I draw the shoulders back and down.
If the smile has faded from the face already, bring it back.
Soften the face.
Even if you are not happy, the mouth can be brought to a smile.
What about the hands and feet?
Are the hands wringing themselves out?
Are the feet relaxed?
To drive out the tension, you can:
curl the hands into tight fists
point your toes
Then release all the tension you are holding in your hands and feet.
If there is dirt, sand, stone, or some other material you can place your hands and feet upon, remove any barriers between your skin and the earth.
Ground yourself.
Maybe there is no natural element for you to place your hands and feet on.
Place the palms on the knees facing downward.
Lift the rib cage up.
Imagine there is a string from the back of your head going upwards.
Pull this string tighter.
And breathe.
You always have your breath.
All you have to do is remember.
I write this on the 3rd of October.
As a reminder to myself.
And to share with you.
For a week from today, I will be in the first of my three ceremonies between the 10th of October and the 13th of October.
Like any real work, there will be challenges.
While I may forget for a moment or two about my breath, as long as I make it a regular practice to return to my breath each day, then when the going gets tough, I will be able to remember.
Granted, it may take only a short time, or maybe a little longer.
Depends on the depth of the process and how aware I am.
The breath is not a tool to shy away from processing everything there is to work on:
fear
pain
grief
guilt
anger
regret
Instead, the breath allows me to approach the parts of myself that are the most hurt, and need the most care with an open heart.
When there is no trust, fear is present.
While fear dominates, love can feel out of reach.
By connecting to the breath and communicating with the body to nudge one's posture towards an upright, loose, and gentle seated position, all of the negative emotions trapped within the body can flow.
When we curl up due to sadness, it is like leaning over to catch our breath after a hard run.
While it may feel good and natural to place the hands on the knees and bend at the hips as you gasp for breath after a particularly hard run, this hurts the ability to breath.
Standing up straight may not feel as good, but the oxygen which the body needs will be able to enter more easily and the carbon dioxide can be expelled more easily.
The natural and comfortable approach to handle challenges is often not what is best for us.
Trust your intuition.
Listen to your body.
Follow your breath.
See you on the other side of this retreat.
Namaste,
Evan