My 100 deaths in a weekend of ceremonies

And how they taught me to look within

Each moment the attention looks to the outer world - for safety, security, comfort, love, affection, stability, peace - we lose an opportunity to rely upon our own essence.

All of these things are within us.

Breathe deeply.

Look inside.

Connect with yourself. Feel into the body.

There is nothing to fear as there is nothing to lose.

This body is not yours.

You were born. And yes, since then, you have been inhabiting this body. However, this does not make it yours.

When you die, you have to give the body back. There is no keeping it.

On your deathbed, even if you are surrounded by people who love you, death is a step you take alone.

Prepare for it. Settle into yourself in moments of deep fear.

Rather than grasping for things outside in search of comfort, hold onto your inner self.

Settle into that infinite inner space.

It is from this space from which you will die.

If you practice being in this space, even though the body may fail bit by bit, you will still be able to choose your moment of departure.

This ability does not grant you the power to always put off death until sometime later in life.

If you try to put off death, you will find yourself clinging again.

Rather than picking when to go, your life will slip out from between your fingertips.

There is not enough preparation for death. This is not due to a lack of opportunity. Every moment is one of a death and a birth.

We do not grieve the passing of most moments. Each is a death nonetheless.

The more present we are, the less attachment to any given moment there is.

If we live in the past, reveling in the beauty of a prior moment, then the attention is not in the present.

In this way, we miss out on life.

The ego clings to the past. Wishing for the beautiful moment to last just a bit longer.

The ego loves to run to the future. Wondering about what might come to pass.

Wishing for the good. Praying to be free from the bad.

Once again, missing the present moment.

This does not mean to avoid planning for the future, nor to avoid reflection and learning from the past.

The difference is in the intent.

When you think, where does the mind take you?

Because you cannot think about the present moment.

The thoughts either get wrapped up in the future or the past.

Rather than seeking from the past or the future, you can be here now.

Free from worry. Even at the moment of your death. Because there is nothing to do.

You are.

Just be.

Seek nothing.

In this way, happiness and freedom arise in a way unmatched by pleasure from external sources.

Only you can open yourself up to happiness.

Yes, the external environment matters.

It is hard to break an addiction when your surrounding social environment and broader culture reinforce your unreal dependency on alcohol, sex, cigarettes, money, or caffeine.

We are social beings.

Even if we know something is not good for us, excessive pressure breaks down our willpower.

Maybe we crack. Maybe we do not.

Either way, realizing the influence on us is the first key.

Finding support in alleviating the pressure via inner strength, in healing habits, and in people who are aligned with our vision of the future.

Along the way, give yourself grace.

No force.

Through the spirit of love, allow yourself to come into greater and greater resonance with the version of yourself you are creating.

Free from the shackles of old patterns that no longer serve you.

Because remember, when you go to die, you cannot take any of these crutches with you.

Best to see the path to embody your power now.

So when death comes, by your hand opening the door to allow it, you feel you have done your best.

Will there be mistakes?

Yes.

Will there be unfinished business?

Maybe, but your emotional relationship with these past events matters more than whether or not a particular project or conversation ever progressed to the point of completion.

Will there be fear?

It will depend on your relationship with uncertainty.

Regardless of how much you have heard about what it means to die until you take the leap yourself, you will not truly know what it is like to die.

There is no difference between this leap of uncertainty and all the previous leaps into the unknown you have made.

With feet on firm ground and no true idea of what comes next, you jump.